Nov 19 2009

Shame Indeed



Sep 30 2009



This is completely unrelated to anything having to do with marriage, except…

There are two quotes in that trailer by two different characters that jumped at me as soon as I heard them. They cut to the heart of our sense of The Individual. They bring home the primary way we can kill our marriage, namely thinking of ourselves first. Here they are.

If you believe in something strongly enough, who’s to say if it’s real or not?


When you’re lost, you’re willing to believe anything.

You got the first one, right? Every media outlet from Disney movies to television commercials tells you it doesn’t matter what you believe, only believe it strongly enough. It’s the ultimate in navel-gazing. Create your own reality and it’s real for you. Descartes put it this way, “I think, therefore I am.”

Thomas Aquinas knew different though. He knew that thinking presupposes being. You are, therefore you think.

The second quote is just in there because I liked it. It very simply shows what happens when you’ve got no concept of truth.

Think of the effect not knowing truth has on your marriage. What happens to your spouse when the only truth you acknowledge is that which is true for you? Does mutual agreement make something true? How do you resolve something that’s true for you but not for your spouse?

Sep 27 2009

Love & Respect, Part 2


Here comes part two of some of my notes, thoughts, and impressions written down while enjoying Emerson and Sarah Eggerich’s incredible Love and Respect conference in San Diego.

-C loseness: Women say, “If you’re not lookng, you’re not listening.”
-O penness: not being secretly mad at her.
– Love her, even when you feel disrespected.
– Make sure she knows if you’re mad that you’re not mad at her.
– Women tend to personalize things. She’s sensitive because she cares.
– Men can compartmentalize their emotions. This too is a skill but it can cause men to be a mystery to women. “Why doesn’t he talk?”
– If you appear to be mad in order to motivate her respect, you’ll get more disrespect.
– It’s in her nature to nurture. She’ll question (interrogate) you but it’s because she cares.
– Has she been disrespectful? It could be because she feels unloved.
– Women don’t “just drop it”. They have needs that men don’t. They need to bring things full circle & have closure.
– As a man of honor, do what doesn’t feel natural. Talk, forgive, bring closure.
-L oyalty: We made an agreement at marriage.
– We need to constantly check on this & make sure we’re not even checking out the menu.
– She asks about your loyalty to be reassured, not for information.
– You can’t stay on the honeymoon forever. There’s more meanIng to marriage than that.
– Quality is always better than quantity.
-E steem: Treasure her above all others.
– Women have a different point systems. You can’t buy her affections.
– Sometimes what’s little to men is big to women.
– You want him to bring flowers & he fixes the faucet, so be patient. It takes a while to learn new skill.

Yes, I know I misspelled C-O-U-P-L-E, but I was mostly absorbed in the concentration of the moment. It’s a lot of material to pack into a day and a half and things move pretty quickly.

For the record, COUPLE is an acronym for men to use to spell “love” to their wives. It stands for Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty, Esteem.

More later…