How To Spell “Respect” To Your Husband


In my previous post for the men of the world, I laid out (from Emerson Eggerichs’ book Love & Respect) how to spell “Love” to their wives.  This one is going to tell the ladies how to spell “Respect” to their husbands.  Yes, I know Aretha says it’s spelled R-E-S-P-E-C-T, but didyou know that song was written by a man?  Aretha Franklin took it, made it famous, and it’s since become a feminist anthem…and rightly so, because it’s a great song.  I don’t want to take anything away from that, but it puts a little different spin on it when you realize it was written and first performed by Otis Redding.  The lyrics speak volumes about how a man feels about the need for respect in his life.

A man’s primary need is for respect, just like a woman’s primary need is for love.  Here’s how you spell respect to a man.  It’s spelled C-H-A-I-R-S.

  • Conquest: He wants to go kill dragons for you.  He has an innate desire to do great things and he wants you to appreciate that desire and, yes, be suitably impressed.
  • Heirarchy: He is a natural leader, even if he doesn’t act like it sometimes.  So even if you don’t feel like it, if you respect his desire to protect and provide, you’ll see his efforts to actually do so redouble.  Ladies, whether or not you realize it, you have a tremendous amount of control over his maturity level.
  • Authority: Let him take the lead in making peace and in other things as well.  He wants to lead his family by sacrificing for you.  Let him.
  • Insight: Men love to give advice.  They’re good at it.  They have a desire to analyze and counsel, so tell him up front when talking about your day if you just want him to listen and not try to fix anything.  Be honest when you do need him to fix something though.  Value his protection and wisdom.
  • Relationship: He wants shoulder-t0-shoulder companionship.  He wants to know he’s supported in the trenches.  He needs a buddy in his daily struggles, and he’d really love it if that buddy were you once in a while.
  • Sexuality: Just like you, he wants to be desired.  He loves you greatly, and he’s stimulated by what he sees.  Every man knows he’s supposed to eat at home, but he may struggle with looking at the menu when away.  Recognize that your good-willed husband knows this and will try not to.  He desires sexual intimacy like you desire emotional intimacy.  Recognize that desire and seek to meet it.  You’ll find him seeking to meet yours.

And yes, remember the Golden Rule of Marriage…you can’t get what you need by witholding what he needs.

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