Aug 28 2009

Giving

Aram

There’s an awful lot of talk about “What’s in it for me?” and “What will I get out of it?” Such talk really has no place in a marriage.

Here’s why.

The first thing you learn in preschool is to think of others. We learn sharing almost before anything else. It’s a fundamental aspect of human interaction.

Given that it’s one of our first life lessons, why is it that so often we end up thinking of how our spouse isn’t meeting our needs? How our wife is so selfish. How our husband gets to do what he wants all the time and we never get to do anything. How they never think about us…

Every time we think one of those things, it’s really a reflection of us. It’s a blind spot of ours. It’s a hole in our perception. Whenever we catch ourselves thinking that way, that’s our cue to immediately stop and look inward.

Is my wife nagging me? How can I give her complete satisfaction? A secure, happy wife won’t nag.

Is my husband running off to his buddy’s house every day after work? How can I give him a home that’s a place he wants to be? A husband that wants to be home will be happy to be going there at the end of the day.

When we realize that the perceived slights against us have their equal from us against others, we begin to realize that it is truly better to give than to receive.