Sep 26 2009

Love & Respect, Part 1


We just got done attending an amazing conference at The Rock church is San Diego called Love And Respect, put on by Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs. What follows in the next couple posts is an un-edited, uncensored, off the cuff collection of insights, notes, and techniques presented. There may be spelling errors because they were typed up on my phone and my thumbs are clumsy.

I hope they’re meaningful to you!

-She needs love like she needs air. He needs respect like he needs air.

-Unconditional respect to him is as valuable as unconditional love to her.

-Men will serve & die for respect.

-Rhetorical question: Is it ok for your spouse to have a need that you don’t have?

-If good will exists, then most conflict is due to a misunderstanding.

-You can’t get what you need by depriving others of what they need.

-Is what I’m about to do/say going to feel unloving to my wife?

-Is what I’m about to do/say going to feel disrespectful to my husband?

Stay tuned for more…

Aug 29 2009



“Mom? Can I massage your back?”

With those simple words, a 5-year old is able to finagle a stay up past midnight on a school night. My tired wife is bent almost double, making happy noises on the couch while her back is being artlessly, sincerely rubbed by little hands.

It makes me think about the deposits we make, the things we do. I know for me, when my wife does something like put away the clothes, cook an awesome meal, or take care of the kids, it’s a sincere expression of her love.

It makes me wonder what I can do for her. It makes me want to do things for her.

When you make enough deposits, soon you’re able to make withdrawals. Normally, she’d cut off her right arm before she’d allow that kid to stay up this late. He, however, knows how to make his mom happy.

Guys, don’t you think you know how to make your woman happy? Shouldn’t you be trying your best?

Aug 28 2009



There’s an awful lot of talk about “What’s in it for me?” and “What will I get out of it?” Such talk really has no place in a marriage.

Here’s why.

The first thing you learn in preschool is to think of others. We learn sharing almost before anything else. It’s a fundamental aspect of human interaction.

Given that it’s one of our first life lessons, why is it that so often we end up thinking of how our spouse isn’t meeting our needs? How our wife is so selfish. How our husband gets to do what he wants all the time and we never get to do anything. How they never think about us…

Every time we think one of those things, it’s really a reflection of us. It’s a blind spot of ours. It’s a hole in our perception. Whenever we catch ourselves thinking that way, that’s our cue to immediately stop and look inward.

Is my wife nagging me? How can I give her complete satisfaction? A secure, happy wife won’t nag.

Is my husband running off to his buddy’s house every day after work? How can I give him a home that’s a place he wants to be? A husband that wants to be home will be happy to be going there at the end of the day.

When we realize that the perceived slights against us have their equal from us against others, we begin to realize that it is truly better to give than to receive.