Jul 1 2009

10 Things Happy Couples Do


Practice, practice, practice.

1.  Go to bed at the same time. Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn’t wait to go to bed with each other? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.

2.  Cultivate common interests. After the passion settles down, it’s common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don’t minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.

3.  Walk hand in hand or side by side. Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it’s more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.

4.  Make trust and forgiveness your default mode. If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can’t resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.

5.  Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong. If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.

6.  Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work. Our skin has a memory of “good touch” (loved), “bad touch” (abused) and “no touch” (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the “good touch,” which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.

7.  Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every morning. This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.

8.  Say “Good night” every night, regardless of how you feel. This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.

9.  Do a “weather” check during the day. Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you’re more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.

10.  Be proud to be seen with your partner. Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact — hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.

These are excellent techniques to remember.  Any one of these is a step in the right direction.  All 10 of them together would be a slam dunk in your marriage relationship.

Top 10 List from an article by Dr. Mark Goulston, found on Oasis of Inspiration.

Jun 26 2009



With all the rest of the junk going on that gets publicized, this makes you realize there’s hope.

“Dinner, dancing, and eternity to follow.”

Keep doing it right, guys.


Jun 5 2009

How To Spell “Respect” To Your Husband


In my previous post for the men of the world, I laid out (from Emerson Eggerichs’ book Love & Respect) how to spell “Love” to their wives.  This one is going to tell the ladies how to spell “Respect” to their husbands.  Yes, I know Aretha says it’s spelled R-E-S-P-E-C-T, but didyou know that song was written by a man?  Aretha Franklin took it, made it famous, and it’s since become a feminist anthem…and rightly so, because it’s a great song.  I don’t want to take anything away from that, but it puts a little different spin on it when you realize it was written and first performed by Otis Redding.  The lyrics speak volumes about how a man feels about the need for respect in his life.

A man’s primary need is for respect, just like a woman’s primary need is for love.  Here’s how you spell respect to a man.  It’s spelled C-H-A-I-R-S.

  • Conquest: He wants to go kill dragons for you.  He has an innate desire to do great things and he wants you to appreciate that desire and, yes, be suitably impressed.
  • Heirarchy: He is a natural leader, even if he doesn’t act like it sometimes.  So even if you don’t feel like it, if you respect his desire to protect and provide, you’ll see his efforts to actually do so redouble.  Ladies, whether or not you realize it, you have a tremendous amount of control over his maturity level.
  • Authority: Let him take the lead in making peace and in other things as well.  He wants to lead his family by sacrificing for you.  Let him.
  • Insight: Men love to give advice.  They’re good at it.  They have a desire to analyze and counsel, so tell him up front when talking about your day if you just want him to listen and not try to fix anything.  Be honest when you do need him to fix something though.  Value his protection and wisdom.
  • Relationship: He wants shoulder-t0-shoulder companionship.  He wants to know he’s supported in the trenches.  He needs a buddy in his daily struggles, and he’d really love it if that buddy were you once in a while.
  • Sexuality: Just like you, he wants to be desired.  He loves you greatly, and he’s stimulated by what he sees.  Every man knows he’s supposed to eat at home, but he may struggle with looking at the menu when away.  Recognize that your good-willed husband knows this and will try not to.  He desires sexual intimacy like you desire emotional intimacy.  Recognize that desire and seek to meet it.  You’ll find him seeking to meet yours.

And yes, remember the Golden Rule of Marriage…you can’t get what you need by witholding what he needs.