Jun 4 2009

How To Spell “Love” To Your Wife

Taken and summarized from Emerson Eggerichs’ excellent book, Love & Respect.  It’s spelled C-O-U-P-L-E.
  • Closeness:  She wants to know that whatever’s going on throughout your day, you’d rather be with her.
  • Openness:  She wants to know your thoughts and her mind-reader is broken.  Talk to her.  Open up to her so she can tell how you’re feeling.
  • Understanding:  She doesn’t necessarily need fixing, but she does need an ear to listen to her and a shoulder to lean on.
  • Peacemaking:  When you have conflict, she wants you to take the lead in making things better.  The percentages of guilt and blame aren’t the issues, the facts of love and good will towards her and the family are.
  • Loyalty:  She needs to be constantly reminded that you’re committed to her without a shadow of a doubt.  She needs to know you’re not even looking at another woman.
  • Esteem:  She wants to know she’s the most important person in your life and that what she thinks and feels is important to you.

And remember the Golden Rule of Marriage:  You can’t get what you need by withholding from your wife what she needs.  Give her what she needs and you’ll be amazed at the results.

Mar 27 2009

You’ve Found A Good Thing


You’ve got to understand as a man that when you marry the girl of your dreams, she wants to remain that. Long after she’s left her girlhood behind, she wants to know you’ll still pursue her. She wants to know you’ll love her with the same intensity and still greater depth than you did in the first heady days of your courtship.

How is this possible? How in the drudgery of daily existence, the constant press of work, the struggle to survive, the demands of needy kids, or the drive for personal space can a man find meaningful time for his woman? How can their relationship not just exist but truly prosper? What part can a (seemingly) relationally-challenged man play in leading his family? How can two people iron out their differences until they’re smooth and work back and forth, giving and taking until they’re finally synchronous with each other? Is there a way to fight fair? In fact, is there a way to remove the “fight” altogether and turn it into temporary disagreement with a permanent recognition of underlying good will, respect, honor, and love?

The answer to all of this is you’re in control, man. You’re leading the dance and your wife loves it when you’ve got the right moves, even when she’s in disagreement with you. She loves your ability to make peace and diffuse situations. She is more sensitive than you and feels little hiccups in the relationship more than you do. She loves it when you take care of business, but only because it’s a subset of you taking care of her. Even when you’re feeling disrespected by her, you can know that what she really wants is your love, care, and provision. Walk the tightrope of treating her voice as equal and leading by careful example, and you will find yourself a good thing, an amazing, devoted, grateful, happy wife.

It can be done. If you’re struggling, you can do it. If you’re doing it, you can do it better. Life is a wicked winding road that’s far easier to travel with your best friend. With a little patience and a few techniques, the rough spots won’t wreck the ride.